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Have you ever faced a personal crisis that turned your world upside down, yet you still had to show up for work the next day?
Or maybe you’ve received devastating news moments before dialing into a meeting, forcing you to put your feelings on hold as you put on a brave face.
Many of us can recall moments when personal struggles bled into our professional lives. Whether it’s a relationship ending, a loss, or another life-changing event, these challenges are an inevitable part of life—and often beyond our control.
About a year ago, I went through a breakup with my girlfriend of four-plus years. Our lives were deeply intertwined. We shared a home, a pet, a social circle, and we were closely connected to each other's families.
In the aftermath, I faced the daunting task of disentangling our lives and the emotional weight of mourning the loss of our future together. The sadness, anxiety, and sense of overwhelm made it difficult to focus on anything else, including work. Every day felt like an uphill battle as I tried to rebuild my life amid waves of grief and uncertainty.
Breakup grief can significantly impact our work
I quickly realized these emotions were affecting my work, so I gathered the courage to talk to my manager about what I was going through. It’s not easy to be vulnerable, especially in a professional setting.
Thankfully, she responded with understanding and support. Her compassion helped me navigate a challenging time without feeling like I had to hide what I was experiencing. She also reminded me of the mental health resources at my disposal and encouraged me to talk to a therapist—which I did.
Relationship grief is often unrecognized in the workplace
Sadly, not everyone receives the same level of support when they’re grieving the loss of a relationship. Many employees suffer in silence as discussing heartbreak in the workplace is a historically taboo subject.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
My experience highlights a different possibility: a workplace where leaders understand that our emotional well-being is inseparable from our professional lives and inevitably influence our performance.
Understanding the impact of breakups on employees
Think of a time when you experienced a hard breakup. It can feel crushing, right? You may have been consumed by grief, unable to stop crying, or found even the simplest tasks nearly impossible. Yet somehow, work demanded your attention, and you had to finish the day.
Many of us aren’t operating at our best while processing the end of a relationship. It can feel like the world is ending—because, in many ways, it is. The life we built with another person has ended, leaving us to pick up the pieces and figure out how to rebuild. And often, we don’t know how to start or what tools we need to begin healing.
To a friend, this may appear as a period of deep emotional turmoil, with visible signs of shock, sadness, anger, anxiety, and loneliness. However, to a manager or coworker, it may look like an employee struggling to keep up with their work.
How do breakups affect mental and physical health?
Breakups can trigger feelings akin to physical pain and cause cravings similar to drug withdrawal. This “love withdrawal” may manifest in various physical and mental health symptoms, including:
- Fatigue
- Insomnia
- Loss of appetite
- Irritability and agitation
- Mood swings
- Muscle pain and aches
- Obsessive thoughts and rumination
These intense emotions can overshadow an employee’s sense of purpose and commitment, often resulting in decreased engagement, disinterest in job responsibilities, and difficulty connecting with colleagues and the company culture.
When an employee is overwhelmed by the emotional aftermath of a breakup, struggling with sleep, and stuck in a cycle of compulsively thinking about their former partner, it’s easy to see how their work might suffer. They may feel disconnected, lose motivation, and struggle to align with their team or company goals.
How can workplace leaders offer a lifeline?
When I reflect on my breakup, aside from the emotional challenge, what stands out most is how incredibly supportive my manager was. That support made all the difference.
Individual support like this is powerful, and it becomes even more effective when paired with structural resources, such as:
- Access to quality mental health resources
- Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs)
- Flexibility around scheduling and responsibilities
- A workplace culture where employees feel comfortable talking about their struggles
- Regular check-ins from HR leaders and managers
- Training for managers to recognize signs of emotional distress and responding with compassion
Building this framework isn’t just about doing the right thing—it’s about acknowledging that personal challenges are a part of life. Offering employees the support they need will benefit both the individual and the organization in the long run.
Employees who feel their company has their back are more engaged, motivated, and resilient. On the other hand, employees who are struggling, overwhelmed, and feel unsupported are less likely to perform at their best. Investing in support structures can lead to positive outcomes for everyone involved.
Practical ways to support employees
When an employee experiences a breakup, offering practical support can help them cope and remain productive. In my experience, my manager’s flexibility and understanding were invaluable—she allowed me the space I needed to process my emotions and gradually re-engage with my work.
Here are some tangible ways HR leaders can offer similar support to employees. I encourage you to consider how these strategies could be adapted to fit the unique culture of your workplace.
Flexible work arrangements
Offering remote work options or flexible schedules gives employees the space to manage their emotional well-being while still meeting their job responsibilities.
In my case, having the flexibility to adjust my work hours during those difficult early days was crucial. It allowed me to focus on personal recovery while continuing to handle professional responsibilities—without feeling overwhelmed by either.
Empathy and compassion
Empathy and compassion are essential qualities in leadership, especially when employees face personal crises like breakups. During my breakup, my manager's empathy was instrumental in helping me navigate that difficult period.
She listened without judgment, understood my struggles, and offered support without adding pressure. Even simple gestures of empathy and understanding from my coworkers made a big difference, helping me feel less isolated during such a difficult period.
Education for managers and colleagues
It can be useful to train managers and colleagues to recognize signs of distress and how to approach and talk to employees going through breakups.
While most HR leaders and supervisors are empathetic and want to support employees in need, they may struggle with what to say, how to begin the conversation, or how to direct the employee to the right resources.
Offering training sessions or webinars led by professional educators, therapists, or HR leaders can equip teams with the skills to handle these situations with sensitivity and care. This kind of training isn’t just helpful for breakups—it applies to any form of grief or personal struggle employees may face.
Providing comprehensive mental health support
My manager gently reminded me of the mental health resources available through our company, which encouraged me to seek therapy. Having these accessible resources made a significant difference in my ability to process my emotions
This kind of support was instrumental in helping me stay focused and engaged in work, even while navigating the grief I was experiencing.
What might this look like in practice?
A strong, comprehensive mental health solution includes:
- Access to therapy, coaching, and medication management
- Care navigation
- Digital mental health resources
- Seminars or workshops on coping with grief
- Support groups for employees
This range of mental health resources helps employees feel supported and better equipped to manage personal challenges without sacrificing their well-being or work performance.
Breakups are a part of life, and support can be as well
It might be tempting to view breakups as irrelevant to the workplace. But the grief that comes with losing an important relationship can be all-encompassing and deeply impactful.
Our personal lives inevitably follow us into the workplace every day. Leaders who recognize this and address the realities of their employees’ lives are positioning their organizations for greater success. Employees who feel supported during tough times are more likely to be productive, engaged, loyal, and less likely to leave.
The support I received from my manager and workplace during a challenging breakup meant the world to me. The same holds true for your employees—it can make all the difference.
Learn how to support your employees through grief and create a compassionate workplace where they feel valued and understood.
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