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Grief is a universal human experience that can permeate and impact every aspect of a person's life—including work performance.
Imagine a time when you experienced a loss and lived with grief. How did you feel carrying that weight while going about your work day? Did you feel supported or pressured to “get back to normal”?
As a licensed clinical social worker with 15 years of experience helping individuals through grief and trauma, I've witnessed the profound effects of grief firsthand, and how they impact the workplace.
Understanding the nature of grief
Many think grief is a linear process with neat, distinct stages. You experience the first one, then move on to the next one until it’s over. We’ve all heard of them: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Although some people find this characterization useful, the reality is often more circular and chaotic.
We may cycle through these emotions repeatedly, with new feelings emerging weeks or months after the loss. Grief is anything but tidy. Sometimes, I picture it as a tornado.
An alternative model, "growing around grief," proposed by Lois Tonkin, considers this nuance. In her view, the grief process does not have a finite endpoint. Rather, one's life and sense of self expand to accommodate the permanent presence of grief.
Misconceptions about healing from grief
Even years after an initial loss, grief often remains a powerful undercurrent in a person's life.
There is a common misunderstanding that grief should be a relatively quick process, resolved within a matter of weeks or months.
In reality, the process of healing from loss can take years and may never quite be over, although we are adaptive and can learn how to incorporate grief into our lives in healthy ways.
This misconception can do real harm.
In the U.S., employees are typically allotted only three days of bereavement leave. This is enough time for a funeral, but far from sufficient to process a significant loss fully. The expectation that one should swiftly return to normal is simply incompatible with the lived experience of most grieving individuals.
Grief in the workplace
Grief manifests in a wide variety of ways in the workplace. It might show up as tearfulness, withdrawal, and/or increased anger and anxiety. There is no single "right" way for grief to present itself. As a leader, it's critical to listen closely to each employee and respond accordingly.
For instance, an employee who recently lost a partner may feel uncomfortable with overt displays of emotion at work and not want to discuss it with their manager or coworkers.
However, they may need flexible scheduling to manage childcare or household responsibilities. Maintaining an open, compassionate dialogue is key to ensuring grieving employees feel heard and cared for.
The role of workplace leaders in supporting grieving employees
Everyone experiences loss and grief during their life. Consider your own workplace. I’m sure you can think of times during the past year when an employee has gone through a death in the family, a severe health concern, or a breakup or divorce. Some of those people are likely still processing their grief.
There are also invisible losses that cause grief, like a miscarriage or infertility, the loss of physical abilities, aging, a major life transition, or even the loss of a dream or sense of purpose.
Because grief is such a common human experience, it’s important to have a strategy and support systems in place prior to a loss. Facets may include:
- A comprehensive bereavement policy
- A supportive workplace culture, including regular check-ins
- Manager training on how to support grieving employees
- Resources such as mental health support
- Reduced workload, breaks, and days off during the grieving process
In the past, I’ve seen colleagues forced to return to work too soon in the midst of grieving. This can cause more of a crisis for the person and the employer than if they’d allowed some flexibility and incorporated proactive planning for bereavement.
Establishing a supportive culture
When someone in your organization experiences a loss, how do people respond? Do managers and HR leaders know how to support them?
Reflecting on whether your culture truly supports employees through major life events can be helpful. Do people feel comfortable taking the time they need? Is grief met with empathy, not pressure to get back to normal?
Work is where we spend the majority of our waking hours. For someone experiencing profound loss, an unsupportive workplace can compound their isolation and suffering.
Checking in is a reminder that we aren’t alone
Beyond formal policies, the human-to-human connection of an HR leader, manager, or colleague checking in regularly for an extended period of time can make a powerful difference.
A simple email or one-on-one conversation, including "How are you doing?" communicates that the person's grief is seen and cared for, even as time passes. Six months after a loss, someone may feel that the world has moved on while they are still struggling.
The key is to respond according to the individual's needs. Some may want to discuss their loss at length, while others prefer more private grief. Maintaining an open dialogue is essential.
What good support looks like
Recently, I worked with a client whose spouse died suddenly. She had young children and needed time to manage the many tasks that come with losing a loved one—arranging the funeral, sorting through paperwork, handing bank accounts, and dealing with the house deed—things we often don’t consider until we’re faced with them. things we don’t think about until we have to deal with them.
My client was given time off to deal with all of those things along with access to mental health support. She then reintegrated back into work slowly and with support. She started back part-time, then moved to 80%, and eventually worked full-time again.
Her employer listened to what she needed and accommodated those needs. She feels fully supported and is doing much better both personally and at work. This is because she was given the time and space to do the practical things necessary after a loss and work through her emotional journey.
Manager training
Many HR leaders and managers are empathetic and want to support grieving employees, but navigating these sensitive situations can be intimidating. As someone who deals with strong emotions all day, I completely understand that feeling.
Providing training can equip managers with the skills to have compassionate conversations, recognize the signs of grief, and connect employees to appropriate resources.
Such training might cover initiating a supportive dialogue, practicing active listening, and offering mental health support–rather than jumping straight to performance improvement plans. This can make all the difference in helping a grieving employee feel heard and cared for, rather than alienated.
Balancing productivity and well-being
There can be a perceived tension between organizational goals and supporting employees through grief. However, this is a false dichotomy. Rushing grieving employees back to normal productivity often backfires, leading to resentment, reduced engagement, and poorer long-term outcomes.
By proactively planning for grief, offering flexibility, and providing mental health resources, companies can help employees heal while also giving them the support to eventually return to high productivity.
This investment pays dividends in the form of a more loyal, productive, and resilient workforce over time.
Mental health support
With my own clients, I’ve seen how fast access to mental health services through a comprehensive EAP can make a significant difference when they’re grieving.
Removing barriers like copay hassles or appointment availability allows them to get the care they need without added stress. The last thing a grieving person needs is to search through in-network therapist listings, make a bunch of phone calls to find an available appointment, or worry about how many sessions they can afford.
Therapy, coaching, digital exercises, and peer support groups can make a real difference for people experiencing loss, helping them feel less alone and forging connections with others going through similar emotions.
Grief is universal—let’s ensure that support is as well
We all have rich emotional lives that extend into our workplaces, and sometimes, those parts of us need support.
Addressing grief in the workplace requires seeing employees as whole, complex human beings, as more than their productivity. Our emotional lives have a profound impact on our professional selves, and all of us deserve empathetic support when we experience grief.
With flexibility, resources, and a genuine commitment to well-being, organizations can make what’s often the most challenging time in someone’s life a little less painful. By supporting each other through life's hardest moments, we all stand to benefit.
Extend your support beyond bereavement leave by promoting a compassionate work environment that addresses ongoing grief.
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